Parenting Autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing Disorder
If you're parenting Autism, ADHD or a child with a Sensory Processing Disorder (or difference), and you've caught yourself thinking, “I just want my child to be normal”, you’re not alone.
In today’s world, parents face an invisible measuring stick of “normal.” Schools, extended family, and even therapy systems often reinforce the idea that children should sit still, learn the same way, socialize like their peers, and blend seamlessly into environments that were never designed with neurodivergence in mind.
For those parenting Autism, ADHD and sensory processing disorders (or differences as I prefer to call it), this can feel like a crushing weight.
The pressure to make children appear “neurotypical” doesn’t just harm children, it drains parents who get stuck in cycles of guilt, exhaustion, and shame.
The thought of wanting our child be "normal" comes from being immersed in a society that equates “normal” with “worthy.”
It also comes from a deep sense of love and protection, wanting our children to feel safe and belonging, and can be amplified if we didn't have that sense in our youth.
Striving for this elusive “normal” doesn’t reduce pain, it amplifies it—for both children and parents.
This is your permission slip to release the pressure, take a deep breath, and step into a new vision of parenting—one rooted in compassion, presence, and trust.
What You’ll Learn About Parenting Autism and ADHD:
Understanding overlaps in parenting Autism, ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder
Why chasing “normal” creates harm when parenting Autism & ADHD
Small shifts you can make towards fostering safety, connection in parenting Autism & ADHD
How to recognize and nurture the strengths of Autism, ADHD & Sensory Processing Disorder
Practical strategies for parenting Autism & ADHD parenting
Scroll down if you prefer to explore with me on YouTube!
When Parenting Autism, ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder Collides
I appreciate the challenges that come when a child struggles with not just one diagnosis (or concerns that you notice), but many, and this is often the case. What I have noticed in my years of working with neurodiverse and sensitive families is through one common factor, we can empower the individual to thrive. This common factor is the nervous system.
This is why my work centres around the nervous system and Somatic approaches… and because these are the tools I began to learn as a child, not knowing fully that they would become part of my life mission.
Autistic, ADHD and children with sensory processing differences have a finely tuned, sensitive nervous system… and there is nothing wrong with that. The struggle comes when we live in a world that bombards our nervous systems, constantly.
So let's explore a compassionate, strength-based approach... and see what shifts for your family!
Parenting Autism: Beyond Fixing, Toward Flourishing
Parenting autism comes with unique challenges, yes—but also incredible opportunities. Too often, the conversation revolves around deficits: what autistic children can’t do, or how they differ from peers. What’s missing is the acknowledgment of the strengths of autism:
Incredible attention to detail and memory
Passionate interests that can grow into expertise
Strong sense of honesty and fairness
Unique problem-solving abilities (think Steve Jobs)
Deep loyalty and care for loved ones
When parenting shifts from trying to suppress these traits to supporting them, children not only feel safer but also thrive in ways that showcase their brilliance.
Instead of asking, “How do I make my child act more neurotypical?” the real question becomes:
“How do I create an environment where my child feels safe enough to be who they truly are?”
ADHD Parenting: Meeting Energy with Connection
Parenting ADHD can feel like riding an unpredictable wave. One moment, your child is full of creativity and laughter, and the next, they’re overwhelmed, unable to sit still, or melting down after school. Many parents of ADHD kids hear criticism from others: “Why can’t you control them?” or “You just need to be stricter.” These comments sting and reinforce shame.
ADHD is not about laziness or bad parenting - it’s about differences in the brain’s regulation of attention, energy, and impulse control. When combined with sensory processing disorder—which is common in children with ADHD—the challenges intensify.
Think about it: if your child’s nervous system is bombarded by sounds, textures, or lights that feel overwhelming, no amount of discipline will magically calm them. What they need is safety and co-regulation. They need a parent who can slow their own nervous system first and then guide the child back into calm through connection, not punishment.
The strengths of ADHD may include:
Boundless energy that can fuel creativity, play, and innovation
Quick thinking and the ability to make connections others may overlook
Spontaneity and a natural sense of humor that brings joy to those around them
Passionate focus on activities they love, leading to bursts of productivity and mastery
Resilience and adaptability from navigating a world not built for their pace
When ADHD parenting embraces these qualities instead of trying to suppress them, children feel validated and capable. By guiding energy toward positive outlets and celebrating bursts of creativity, you show your child that their ADHD isn’t a weakness—it’s a different kind of strength.
Again: “How do I create an environment where my child feels safe enough to be who they truly are?”
Strengths of Sensory Processing: Deep Awareness and Sensitivity
Sensory processing differences are often described in terms of overwhelm, meltdowns, or avoidance. But children who experience the world with heightened or unique sensory processing also bring profound strengths that can enrich their lives and the lives of those around them:
Heightened sensitivity that allows them to notice subtle details others miss
Strong intuitive awareness of environments, moods, and emotions
Ability to deeply appreciate sensory experiences like music, textures, or nature
Creative problem-solving when seeking comfort or adapting to sensory input
Empathy and compassion that grow from living with a heightened awareness of the world
When parents and caregivers recognize these strengths, children with sensory processing disorder feel not just accommodated but celebrated. Supporting sensory needs while valuing this sensitivity helps children understand that their awareness is not a burden—it’s a gift.
ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder: Understanding the Overlap
Many children ADHD and/ or Autistic children also experience sensory processing differences. This means their brain has difficulty interpreting and responding to sensory input—like sound, light, textures, or movement. For some children, certain sensations feel painfully overwhelming. For others, sensory input isn’t strong enough, leaving them constantly seeking movement or stimulation.
When you combine ADHD and sensory processing differences, daily life can feel like a storm. Your child might melt down at the sound of a blender, or bounce endlessly off the couch because their body craves input.
Punishing these behaviors doesn’t work because they aren’t about willpower—they’re about nervous system regulation. The real solution is to:
Offer sensory tools (like fidgets or headphones)
Build sensory breaks into routines
Create calm spaces at home where your child feels safe
By supporting sensory needs, you’re not spoiling your child—you’re helping them regulate so they can engage more successfully in their world.
Parenting Autism and ADHD Together: Balancing Needs with Compassion
Many families navigate both autism and ADHD in the same child—or within the same household if siblings are neurodivergent in different ways. Parenting autism and ADHD together can feel like living in two worlds at once: supporting a child who craves structure and predictability while also meeting the needs of another who thrives on movement and flexibility.
The overlap is real, too. Many autistic children also have ADHD, and vice versa. This means parents often juggle sensory processing challenges, communication differences, emotional regulation struggles, and social misunderstandings all at once.
The temptation is to clamp down harder, trying to control outcomes or behaviours because, well, we as parents are often overwhelmed (and usually also sensitive or neurodiverse). But the real breakthrough comes from doing the opposite: loosening the grip, leaning into compassion, and building rapport over rules.
When children feel safe, seen, and accepted, their nervous systems relax. From that state, they are far more capable of growth, learning, and cooperation.
5 Practical Shifts if You're Parenting Autism, ADHD, and Sensory Processing
Here are some shifts you can try today:
Honor sensory needs: Noise-canceling headphones, movement breaks, or skipping overwhelming events aren’t signs of weakness—they’re acts of wisdom.
Support communication styles: Whether your child uses words, pictures, or devices, the goal is connection, not conformity.
Co-regulate, don’t control: When your child is dysregulated, start by grounding yourself. Your calm presence is more powerful than punishment.
Redefine success: Success is not masking better; it’s your child feeling safe to be themselves.
Prioritize your own self-care: You are your child's safe base. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish - it's essential.
Remember: The goal is to foster safety and connection - our two foundational needs as humans. Then we can thrive and explore new skills.
The Power of Releasing Shame in Parenting Autism and ADHD
So much of the pain parents carry comes from shame. Shame that they’re not doing enough. Shame that their child isn’t like everyone else’s. Shame from the stares at the grocery store or the unsolicited advice from relatives.
But shame thrives in silence. The moment you begin to name it, discredit it, and replace it with compassion, it loses its grip.
Remember: there is no “perfect” parent, and certainly no “perfect” child. There is only presence, connection, and the daily choice to love your child as they are.
From Normal to Authentic
At the end of the day, parenting always comes down to choices. You can continue to chase the illusion of normal, walking the exhausting road of guilt, meltdowns, and disappointment. Or… you can choose a different way:
A way that honours the strengths of Autism and ADHD instead of hiding them
A way that makes parenting autism and ADHD less about connection and resilience
A way that supports children with ADHD and sensory processing disorder through compassion
When you shift your focus from fixing to connecting, from normal to authentic, you open the door to seeing your child’s true brilliance. And here’s the best part: they don’t have to change who they are to be worthy.
Neither do you.
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If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out!
🌺 Katie
Please note that this information is intended for educational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional for personalized guidance.
