Postpartum Overwhelm & Neurodiversity: What Often Goes Unseen
Postpartum, or as I prefer, Matrescence, refers to ‘the transformation of motherhood’. Researchers now describe matrescence as a major life transition for the brain, body, and identity, comparable to adolescence (Orchard et al., 2023). And while it’s a time of incredible transformation filled with joy and surprises, it also exposes patterns that have been quietly running in the background.
The quiet self-criticism, the worry you’re not doing it right, and people pleasing as you welcome visitors you don’t have the energy to host. The rumination humming in the background all day, while you feed, rock, and smile at visitors. These patterns have likely been with you for years, keeping you capable and ‘safe’.
Matrescence exposes those patterns you don’t have the energy to override anymore.
What You'll Learn About Postpartum Anxiety & Overwhelm:
Why postpartum anxiety symptoms like control, self-criticism, and constant rumination often began long before your baby arrived
How your own sensitivity or neurodivergence can surface through your baby, at the moment you have the least capacity to hold it
How postpartum depression symptoms and postpartum overwhelm can overlap, and why both deserve support
How self-abandonment and more effort deepens postpartum overwhelm, and what to do instead so you can actually be present and enjoy this time
Scroll down if you prefer to explore this with me on YouTube!
The Postpartum Overwhelm No One Prepared You For
You've always been the capable one. The one who researches, prepares, and figures it out. You read all the books, buy all the stuff, make the plans…and then your bundle of joy arrives... and truly you are over-the-moon filled with joy!! 😍
A few months in, you realize your baby won't settle unless they're on you. Maybe nursing turns into screams you can’t handle. The hum of the dishwasher, the stream of visitors, or being touched all day overwhelms you like never before. As your baby grows, you watch them react intensely to light, sound, or transitions... and something in you quietly recognizes it. If you have a toddler, you probably noticed everything became more amplified for them too, as the 'honey-moon' phase wore off.
Many women recognize their own sensitivity or neurodivergence through seeing it in their child. Part of this is because women are notoriously under or mis-diagnosed, and we're bloody amazing at coping and masking. So for many women, this recognition surfaces in the middle of the night, in the thick of postpartum overwhelm, as your toddler is melting down (again) when you can't be with them because the baby needs you - at the exact moment there is the least capacity to process it.
And then moms tend to blame themselves, as if it’s a competence problem.
We're going to look at the red flags that are important to honour, and explore what is needed so you can have more moments of joy at this stage.
Postpartum Anxiety Symptoms That Hide in Plain Sight
When we think of postpartum anxiety symptoms, we often picture racing or intrusive thoughts, panic, or constant worry about the baby's safety. Those are real, but some of the most draining postpartum anxiety symptoms are much more subtle and look like brilliant coping skills. So brilliant that partners, family, and friends often don’t recognize them.
Postpartum anxiety can look like:
Being particular and organized... aka a need to control the feeding and nap schedule (that’s forever changing 😭), the way your partner holds the bottle, everything being in its exact place. If everything is done right, maybe you'll finally feel okay.
Self-improvement... or self-criticism that narrates your day. I should have known. Why can't I do this? What is wrong with me? Other moms make it look easy. Self-doubt and rumination running in the background.
Being calm but aware... But it's really just being exhausted combined with hyper-vigilance. Even when the baby is asleep, your body doesn't rest because you’re ready to jump at any moment.
You might just think:
I'm just a planner and good at organizing. I'm hard on myself. I’m easy going.
But under all this is a nervous system that learned that staying alert, reading the room, and getting it right was the way to stay safe. While these adaptations of reading the room, predicting every move, may have kept you feeling safe, over time they led to Attachment Fragmentation™ - disconnection from your body, your needs, your inner knowing. You learned to abandon yourself, and now your body is screaming at you.
Postpartum anxiety is common: about 15% of mothers experience significant anxiety symptoms in the months after birth (Dennis et al., 2017). During Matrescence your brain is completely reorganizing (Hoekzema et al., 2017) and your body is recovering, while a tiny human (and maybe others) needs you around the clock. Before motherhood you may have had enough margin to make it through, but now you're being asked for more than you can give, and that margin is gone.
So the question is: What does your nervous system actually need now?
1. Capacity. This isn't the ability to carry more, it's the ability to recognize that you don't have to carry this alone.
2. Compassion. A shift from "What's wrong with me?" to "What’s my body telling me?" The clenched jaw, the bracing shoulders, the irritability at every sound - this is information. A sensitive nervous system perceives more, and when there's no room to process it, it becomes overwhelm.
3. Connection. This isn't one more thing to be responsible for, it's listening to and honouring your needs again… or maybe even for the first time.
What If These Are Postpartum Depression Symptoms?
Postpartum overwhelm can easily slide into postpartum anxiety or depression, and this is really important to be aware of in order to build in support as early as possible. In Canada, nearly 1 in 4 new mothers (23%) reported feelings consistent with postpartum depression or an anxiety disorder (Statistics Canada, 2019). Here are some key postpartum depression symptoms to be mindful of (drawn from the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale, one of the most widely used and studied screening tools for perinatal depression; Levis et al., 2020):
Persistent low mood or hopelessness
Loss of interest or doing what you used to enjoy
Blaming yourself or being critical of yourself on a daily basis
Frightening intrusive thoughts, or any thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
In the case of any of these, please reach out to your doctor, midwife, or a crisis line right away (I put some numbers at the bottom of this post). Remember, many mothers have been here, and the earlier we get support, the better off we and our child(ren) are. Understanding your nervous system doesn't replace that critical care, but it can help us understand why we’re feeling so stretched and reduce self-blame.
My Experience With Postpartum Overwhelm
As an AuDHD mom of a ND family, and a Somatic Clinical Counsellor I know this territory from the inside. I've been supporting sensitive and Neurodivergent families since 2011, and I train others to support women through pregnancy and postpartum in my Pre & Postnatal Yoga Teacher Training. My work bridges the science of the nervous system with the wisdom of the body, so you can understand what's happening without being told to simply push through.
I struggled with severe postpartum anxiety with my eldest due to construction blocking my studio, and with a very humbling postpartum depression with my second due to zero sleep. For a few months, all I could do was meditate and pretend to be happy when my toddler came home. I share this because I know how it feels when everyone says "it's normal"... and you are completely falling apart inside, or worse. I don't want this for others.
When a mother finally understands what her system has been carrying and she gets meaningful support, the self-criticism begins to soften and compassion and capacity begin to grow. And this is a gift we are then able to pass along to our children. Our society is not designed to support mothers, let alone ND mothers, so we need to build in the support for ourselves, early, and for each other.
If you're looking for support to carry you through Matrescence, complete the form at the bottom of this page. I also work with mothers and couples who are considering having a family, and help them build the tools they need, before they desperately need them. I would love to be able to help you!
🌺 Katherine
CCC. RCC. ERYT-500. RCYT. YACEP
Please note that this information is intended for educational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional for personalized guidance.
Resources:
Canada/ US Emergencies: 911
Canada/ US Suicide Crisis: 9.8.8
Suicide Prevention: 1.800.784.2433
Women’s Crisis & Support: 1.877.890.5711
US Maternal Mental Health: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (852-6262)
Send Me a Message for Further Support (I respond within 72h):
