Navigating ADHD Paralysis: Practical ADHD parenting tips
ADHD presents both gifts and challenges, and presents in a multitude of ways. In terms of gifts we see creative brilliance, highly intuitive individuals, incredible attention to certain details, curiosity and thirst for learning and exploring... but we also see ADHD paralysis, forgetfulness, struggle to organize, and being easily overwhelmed. Here are the 3 typical classifications of ADHD:
The impulsive and hyperactive ADHD presentation, full of energy and zest for life, often doing before thinking in search of that adrenaline and dopamine rush. The key here is learning natural consequences and to practices to help calm the nervous system, to support being able to plan the series of events and what might occur next.
The seemingly inattentive or distracted ADHD types, we often see in their own dream world, perhaps dissociated, missing key details, and struggling to complete tasks. Being able to address them in a meaningful, engaging way and again support their nervous system is key.
And lastly, the combined ADHD presentation, a bit of both of the above. Sensory processing concerns, along with memory and self esteem are often impacted.
In all there is often a fear of failure, not quite getting it right, or fitting in. It is not uncommon to see additional diagnoses of anxiety, depression, autism, OCD or ODD. And while a diagnosis can absolutely support adults, parents, and children in receiving the support they need and feeling validated, it rarely gets to the heart of the matter and is affirming of their unique gifts. My work is based in the nervous system and honouring the light in the gifts. Trust me, coming from a predominantly ADHD family, I appreciate the challenges in various types… and the gifts that shine when we have the right support.
Read on to learn the following practical ADHD parenting tips:
ADHD from a nervous system perspective, so you can empower yourself or your child
How ADHD paralysis presents & ways to reduce this overwhelm
9 ways to support yourself or your child moving out of ADHD paralysis
4 ways to support yourself as a parent so you don't loose your cool while supporting your child
Neuro Affirming: ADHD from a Nervous System Perspective
Have you heard of the 4 F’s? These are nervous system responses to internal and external stimuli. But first let’s look at our nervous system to better understand the 4 F’s from the lens of Dr. Porges Polyvagal Theory:
Ventral vagal - this is basically parasympathetic where we are able to breathe deeply, digest our food to get the nutrients we need, repair the body, interpret and respond to stimuli in a healthy way, be creative, think holistically, and engage in social interaction.
Sympathetic - in this response our breath shortens, we aren’t able to digest fully, the body is getting ready for action. While we need this state to be alert to get going in the morning and for various activities throughout the day, being in this chronic state impairs us. Here we see fight and flight responses.
Dorsal vagal - here our body is shutting down, we see shock, chronic illness, IBS, inability to sleep, severe anxiety, depression, PTSD, and burnout. In this state one has been beyond overstimulated for too long.
So back to the 4 F’s:
Fight - a sympathetic response getting us ready to fight, seen in impulsive & hyperactive ADHD
Flight - a sympathetic response getting us ready to flee, seen in inattentive or distracted ADHD
Fawn - a parasympathetic response, where we play small to feel safe seen in combined ADHD
Freeze - a dorsal response causing us to shutdown or experience ADHD paralysis in any type, when we don’t address and nourish holistically
Can you relate to any of the above? Parenting a child with ADHD can be a journey of highs and lows. On one hand, ADHD kids tend to be creative, energetic, and full of potential. On the other hand, navigating ADHD paralysis—a state of overwhelming mental gridlock—can be incredibly frustrating for both parents and children. ADHD paralysis can leave kids feeling frozen in place, unable to complete tasks or make decisions, no matter how simple they may seem. For parents who are trying their best to guide their child through daily routines, this paralysis can add a layer of stress and confusion.
If you find yourself thinking, "I have no patience for my ADHD child," you're not alone. Parenting an ADHD child is a marathon, not a sprint, and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. However, understanding ADHD paralysis and implementing supportive ADHD parenting tips, can make the journey easier for both you and your child.
What Is ADHD Paralysis?
ADHD paralysis is a term often used to describe the mental block that can occur when someone with ADHD is faced with too many decisions, overwhelming tasks, or even simply the pressure of completing a deadline. It’s not that they don’t want to do the task; it’s that they can’t figure out how to start or continue largely due to low dopamine (see my other blog post on ADHD and Dopamine). This can lead to confusion, overwhelm, over analyzing, frustration, procrastination, and feelings of failure, creating a vicious cycle.
Here are 4 common ways ADHD paralysis manifests:
Task Overwhelm: When your child looks at their homework or a chore and doesn’t know where to begin, even though they’ve done it a hundred times before.
Decision Fatigue: Small decisions—like picking out clothes or choosing between snacks—can become monumental tasks, causing them to freeze.
Time Blindness: The inability to sense how much time has passed or how long a task will take. This adds to the feeling of paralysis because it makes everything seem like it will take forever.
Sensory Overwhelm: They are at their capacity and can’t handle or process anything else, literally in a freeze response.
Why ADHD Paralysis Frustrates Parents
As a parent, it can be maddening to watch your child struggle with something that seems so simple, especially if they’re frequently paralyzed by everyday activities. This can cause frustration, leading you to think, "I have no patience for my ADHD child." The truth is, your child isn’t doing this on purpose. ADHD impacts their executive functioning skills—like planning, organization, and time management—making even basic tasks feel insurmountable.
It's also common to feel a sense of helplessness when your usual parenting strategies don’t seem to work. You might wonder, "Why can’t they just do what I ask?" Understanding that ADHD paralysis is a real and often overwhelming experience for your child can help you adopt a more compassionate mindset. It’s crucial to learn new strategies tailored to an ADHD brain instead of relying on traditional methods of discipline or motivation.
"ADHD is not a disability, it's a different ability."
~ E. Hallowell
ADHD Parenting Tips: 9 Strategies to Combat ADHD Paralysis
Here are some ADHD parenting tips that can help you manage ADHD paralysis and restore balance in your household:
Break Tasks into Smaller Steps Children with ADHD often struggle with seeing the “big picture.” Breaking tasks into bite-sized pieces can make them more manageable. For example, if cleaning their room seems overwhelming, start by asking them to pick up their toys, then move on to making the bed. Celebrate small victories along the way, which helps build their confidence.
Create Routines and Visual Aids Visual schedules, charts, and checklists can be incredibly helpful for kids with ADHD. These tools act as external reminders that keep them focused and on track. Instead of relying on verbal instructions (which can be forgotten or misinterpreted), a visual guide can give your child clear steps to follow. Just make sure it’s a routine that supports their natural rhythm and has fun interwoven to keep them engaged and inspired!
Set Timers for Tasks Timers can create a sense of urgency, provide a visual or auditory cue for time management, and make it like a game to get that needed dopamine rush and reward response. For example, setting a timer for 10 minutes of homework can help reduce the overwhelming feeling that it will take forever. It also introduces time awareness, which is often lacking in children with ADHD.
Utilize ADHD Apps for Youth While I don’t normally advocate for screen time as it often contributes to anxiety when out of balance (as it is for many), different tools help different people and there are a variety of ADHD apps for kids that can help them with organization, time management, and focus. This is like timers or other games you can turn tasks into. While I have not personally used ADHD apps for kids, Forest, Todoist, Remember the Milk, Epic Win, Habitica, and GoNoodle come recommended.
Provide Frequent Breaks Children with ADHD may need more breaks than other kids to maintain focus. If your child is experiencing paralysis during a task, encourage them to take a short break, celebrate what they have accomplished, and then come back to it.
Practice Patience and Compassion It’s easy to lose patience when your child is struggling with tasks that seem simple. However, practicing patience is critical for helping your child through ADHD paralysis. Frustration often leads to a power struggle, which can make the situation worse. By calmly and compassionately guiding your child, you’ll not only help them move past their paralysis but also teach them valuable coping strategies.
Use Positive Reinforcement Praise your child for effort, not just results. Celebrate when they break through their paralysis, even if they didn’t fully complete the task. Positive reinforcement helps boost their self-esteem and encourages them to keep trying.
Create a Distraction-Free Environment ADHD kids are highly sensitive to their surroundings. Reducing distractions—like turning off the TV or providing a quiet workspace—can help your child stay focused and reduce the likelihood of paralysis. Some also need a little more subtle sensory input, like calming music in the background to help focus.
Nourish the Nervous System! This is absolutely key to support all of the above. I recommend incorporating practices into the day, such as noticing the body and breath in the morning, evening, and other times when they are not feeling triggered. This then becomes a tool that is more accessible for challenging moments. Perhaps you incorporate breaks with breath, sound healing, laying down with legs up the wall, a heavy stuffy on their chest, and closing eyes if that feels good. Supporting their natural and needed rhythms for food, rest, connection, exercise and nature time is essential!
When You Feel Overwhelmed: "I Have No Patience for My ADHD Child"
Every parent has days when they feel like they’re at the end of their rope. If you find yourself repeatedly thinking, "I have no patience for my ADHD child," it’s important to acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Raising a child with ADHD can be demanding, and burnout is real.
Here are some ways to restore your own sense of calm and patience:
Self-Care is Non-Negotiable You can't pour from an empty cup. Make time for your own mental and emotional well-being. Whether it’s through meditation, exercise, or simply taking a break, self-care is crucial for maintaining your patience and resilience.
Seek Support ADHD parenting support groups (both online and in-person) can provide a community of parents who understand your struggles. Sharing experiences, tips, and encouragement can alleviate the isolation you might feel.
Professional Help If your child’s ADHD paralysis is severely impacting their quality of life—or your own—consider seeking professional guidance. ADHD coaches and therapists can provide tailored strategies that suit your family’s unique dynamic. You are welcome to reach out to me for in-person and virtual support: [email protected]
Remember the Gifts Remember your child is a unique being with many gifts, and while it would be wonderful to have a handbook, what works for one won't necessarily work for another. We are here to learn and grow together, but to do this we first need to be nourished and have our basic needs taken care of. This is why taking a holistic and nervous system approach for both you and the child can be life changing!
Moving Forward Together: Overcoming ADHD Paralysis
ADHD paralysis can feel like a significant hurdle, but with understanding, patience, and the right tools, you can help your child overcome it. By incorporating ADHD parenting tips, utilizing ADHD apps for kids, and practicing self-care, you’ll not only help your child navigate their unique challenges but also foster a healthier, happier home environment.
While ADHD paralysis can be frustrating, it’s a temporary state. With the right strategies, your child can learn to manage their tasks, build their confidence, and thrive both in and out of school. Remember, it always comes back to our physiological needs, and that of safety and connection. This is why I created my award winning Children’s Yoga Cards to nourish the family nervous system in a fun way!
Want to Learn More!
Heart Centred Parenting Support empowers you to empower your child
Award Winning Children’s Yoga Cards - nourish the family nervous system through play!
If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out!
🌺 Katie
